My amazing wife got me an early present for Father's Day several weeks ago, shortly after my diagnosis - a video camera. The purpose was to film video messages to my family - especially my grandchildren - while I can still breathe and talk relatively normally.
Needless to say, I've been reluctant to start - mostly because taking a step like this makes my condition more "real" - just like when my oxygen tanks arrived 3 weeks ago.
The other reason is that over the past few weeks I try to think of what I would say to each grandchild - and I melt away to mush. While I may look and act my usual jovial self, the truth is this whole thing is right below the surface - and I choke up and tear up like someone has just turned on a switch.
Don't get me wrong - I have a great peace about this, and I know who holds my future...but it's still difficult - especially when I realize I probably won't see any of my grandkids reach their teens.
So, this is my first attempt of a short video message to my eldest granddaughter Eden (she's 5 1/2). Being my first grandchild, she holds a special spot in my heart. Not a bigger spot than my other grandkids! It's just that there's always something special about the first one!